Weekend Recap

First of all, thank you so much for the comments and love that you poured out in response to my last post. It has been a tough couple of months, but I am so thankful for the people we have surrounded ourselves with who support us. That includes all of y'all! I may not see you, but your love and prayers are definitely felt. Thank you so much! 

I know it's already Wednesday (how did that happen?!), and I'm a little late on the "weekend recap," but we have been recovering from this weekend, taking up our floors, and having friends over. Too much going on! 

Have I mentioned that I LOVE October?! I so do! We have had so many fun weekends in October, and I have intended on doing a weekend recap every single Monday, but...life happened. I have been on the struggle bus of catching up. This week, I just can't not do a weekend recap post, so here we are on Wednesday talking about last weekend! 

This weekend included two big things...my 10 year high school reunion and the State Fair of Texas!! We had a blast at both! 

On Friday, we left our house around 5:30 and headed to Dallas for Friday Night Lights! My class reserved the "party patio" at our stadium to watch the game. There was no "party patio" when I went to high school! I was thinking that we would get in just in time for the game, but the 635 Express came in clutch, and we made it in time to grab some dinner. 

Henley took a long nap in the car on the way to Dallas, so she was ready to go at dinner and the game! We grabbed some Mi Cocina, Ben ordered me my first ever mambo taxi...holy cow, those things are lethal, and we even saw some people at dinner before the game. With Henley on her best behavior, I had a blast at dinner getting to sit down and talk to Ben! 

The game was fun too! I know Lake Highlands lost to Jesuit, but I literally did not watch one single second. I was so glad to see some of my favorite people and chat! Henley entertained us all and in "parent of the year" fashion, she ended up staying up until midnight. Whoops! We stayed with my oldest sister and her family, so when we got to their house around 10:30, we sat and chatted and then looked around their brand new house. Oh well, she survived! 

On Saturday morning, we played around the house with my nieces and nephews before heading to Charlotte's soccer game. Of course, I have no pictures from the game...fail! I was busy catching up with my two older sisters and enjoying the kids. Charlotte, my niece, did score 3 goals though! Woohoo!! 

We spent the remainder of the morning/early afternoon split up. Ben took his truck to get his brakes fixed and then stayed with Henley while I enjoyed some kids clothes shopping with my sister. It was a glorious hour and a half by ourselves! We grabbed lunch and brought it home and then Ben and I got ready for an exciting rest of the day. 

My reunion was at The Rustic from 2-5 and then we had tickets to the NEEDTOBREATHE concert later that night. It was a blast! I had so much fun catching up with great friends and people I hadn't seen in way too long. I had so much fun running around talking to everyone. We live in the town Ben grew up in, so he in constantly seeing everyone he grew up with and chatting. It was so much fun for me to introduce him into my little world. We had such a good time, and I loved that it was early in the afternoon. 

Then, we met some other friends in the Bishop Arts District for dinner and headed to the show. If you have not been to a NEEDTOBREATHE concert, you MUST go! They are beyond good! Plus, we ran into even more friends I grew up with! I loved this day! 

Sunday was reserved for the fair! I love my memories of going to the fair growing up! For those of you not from Dallas, we had a day reserved for the fair in school. We got one Monday off called "fair day" and we usually took full advantage of it. Sometimes we went more than once!

I have missed it a few times since going to college, but I always try and get there and enjoy every minute! With a toddler now, going in the mornings gets a little tricky since we have to get everything in before a total meltdown because of a much needed nap. I think I'm going to suggest going after nap next year! I think that would be more fun for all of us, plus the crowds would hopefully be smaller and my "crowd-hating" husband would be much happier too! 

This was Henley's first fair trip, minus when she was in my tummy, and she loved it! The weather was perfect, and Henley enjoyed being toted around in the wagon with all of her cousins! She got to go on a ride, she loved the tractors, but her favorite was the "aminals." She LOVED the petting zoo! She totally makes me nervous in there, because she is the child who sticks her hands into every single cage and I am so afraid that one of the animals won't be super friendly. Thankfully there were no scares this year! She got to "pat" all sorts of animals and she was beyond happy! 

We ended up leaving shortly after lunch, but we got plenty of fun in before totally crashing on the way home! We were so tired when we got home that her and I both slept until 6. Whoops! I would say that means it was a pretty fabulous weekend! 

I Will Always Wonder Who You Would Have Been...

This is a post I never thought I would be writing.

Miscarriage and infertility have been things I have always feared. I can remember writing on a slip of paper in my freshman year Sociology class at Baylor, "not being able to have children." It was my answer to the question my professor asked, "What is your greatest fear in life?". 

Since before I can remember, I've always wanted children. I've always wanted a lot of children. I have always felt like God truly designed me to be a mother. It is my greatest joy! 

After having Henley, Ben and I decided to wait until after her first birthday to discuss when we wanted to try for another baby. That first year flew by, and before we knew it we were throwing her first birthday party. Then, we said "lets wait until she's 14 months." Wow, that happened fast! We were so caught up in simply enjoying her, that we really didn't think about the next one. When we finally got around to talking about it, we decided on May. In May, we would start trying for the next one because Ben loved the idea of a February baby! I was counting down the months until May! 

Then, life happened. Ben and I began to struggle in our marriage and were growing weary of having the same arguments (since our first year of marriage) over and over again. Around the middle of March, we began going to counseling to heal our wounds. Counseling did wonders for us, but come May, we were still not quite ready to try. I was sad and frustrated. While my marriage was my number one priority, I found it frustrating that after six years of marriage, we weren't in a place to say without hesitation, "bring on the babies!". That frustration subsided when I realized that Ben and I were truly growing in our marriage and finally getting what we needed for so long. 

In June, we were ready...more than ready! At the end of June we started trying for baby #2, and on August 27th I took a pregnancy test and it was positive! I cannot even put into words how excited I was! I couldn't even hold it in long enough to tell Ben in a fun way. I just ran into the kitchen and started waving the test in front of his face! We were both thrilled! 

After having such a healthy and easy pregnancy with Henley, I didn't think twice about telling our closest friends and family early. We found out on a Friday afternoon, told our best friends on Friday night, told my family on Saturday night and told Ben's family on Monday night. Everyone was beside themselves with excitement! I knew it was early, but I was confident in my pregnancy and desired their prayers for myself and the baby. 

My first appointment was scheduled for Monday, September 12th. I started spotting on Friday, September 9th. Although I was nervous and felt off, I still had hope that we would walk into the doctor's office and hear our baby's heartbeat. 

When we went in, the sonogram only showed the baby at 5 weeks. All we could see was the sac. My doctor told me that it was probably just too soon, that we were earlier than we thought, but she also told me to prepare my heart that the baby may have stopped growing at 5 weeks and I might miscarry. I was devastated.We scheduled an appointment for a follow-up sonogram in 2 weeks and simply waited. 

Those were the longest 2 weeks of my life. My bleeding got worse each day. I went in on Wednesday for more blood work to check my HCG levels and just could not hold it together. My doctor prescribed progesterone pills that I immediately started taking as well. On Thursday, after getting home from a quick trip to Target, I was positive I was miscarrying. I was experiencing cramping and my bleeding increased significantly. I immediately called Ben, and he came home. My doctor said from what I was describing, I didn't need to go to the ER, but I just knew something wasn't right. I laid down on the couch, and when Ben got home he just held me while I sobbed. I couldn't believe that I wouldn't get to meet my baby. 

On Friday, I received the news that my blood work had come back and my HCG levels had increased...total confusion. Why would my levels be increasing if I was miscarrying. This gave me some glimmer of hope, but I still felt like something was wrong. At one point my boobs started to get super sore. This also gave me hope...until they got sore like they do after you have a baby and your milk comes in. My body thought I had had a baby. My body felt like I had the flu. My appointment was on Tuesday morning, and on the Thursday morning before it, I went to go to the bathroom and something just fell out. My only thought was "that was my baby." From then until Tuesday, I really couldn't focus. I thought I had wrapped my mind around the fact that I had miscarried, but nothing could have prepared me for the sonogram. 

I guess there was still just a little hope left in me. I knew that the God that I serve can make miracles happen. I prayed and prayed for the entire two weeks. I prayed that no matter the outcome that I would know that I still serve a good God. 

When the doctor told me that they couldn't see anything in the sonogram, in a sense I knew, but I still hoped. It was heartbreaking. The sac that I saw two weeks before was my baby, and that baby was no longer there. I would never get to see the outline of my baby, or know his or her personality. I would never get to hold that baby here on earth and introduce him or her to Henley. Devastated doesn't even describe it.

For the next 2 weeks, I was pretty much in a fog. I was functioning on autopilot, because all I could think of was baby #2. To me, he or she will always be my baby #2. I will always remember the day I took that positive pregnancy test, and I will always remember the due date, April 27th. 

Miscarriage is hard. I said to both my sister and my best friend that I don't know when the pain will ever go away, and they both said, it won't. That made me feel better. It made me feel like my pain was justified. Yes, I miscarried early, but that doesn't mean that my baby was any less of a baby to me. Yes, I am thankful that I did miscarry early, but again, I still lost a baby. When my sister and friend said that to me, we all thought and said that it will be like losing my Mamaw. The pain will never go away, but with time, I will better be able to accept it and it might get a little bit easier. But make no mistake, I will forever miss my baby #2. 

One thing that I am very thankful for is that my friend, Brenda, invited me to the Belong Tour the weekend after I miscarried. Ben was out of town and it helped to have something to do. It made me feel less alone. At the conference, they partnered with World Vision, and I decided to sponsor a child. I was standing at the table and asking how in the world do you choose? One of the women working said that some people choose by birthdays. I just so happened to be looking at the "last chance children," and one little boy's birthday was April 27th. I immediately decided to choose this little boy. He will be my reminder. He will be my baby #2 here on earth while I pray that my Mamaw is rocking my baby #2 in heaven. 

I never really understood the saying "I'd love you even if I never met you" before now. Dear baby #2, I love you even though I never met you, and I will love you forever. I look even more forward to the day that I get to meet my Savior, for I hope that I also get to meet you.

My friend posted this a few days after we found out about our miscarriage and it sums things up perfectly. It has been hard for me to accept the fact that my timing doesn't matter one bit, but God's timing is best. I was frustrated when we couldn't try in May, and now we won't be trying for even longer. I've had to tell myself "oh well." I can try again, and all of this is part of God's perfect plan. I have to trust that plan. 

I hope this post didn't overwhelm you too much. My heart has always ached for those who struggle with infertility or infant loss. I am now with you, and I will continue praying for each and every one of you. We just have to trust in God's plan. He is a good God. He is not a cruel God. His plan is far better than anything I could imagine and I will rest in Him. 

Friday Favorites

Happy Friday everyone! October Fridays are even better than other Fridays I think. With the weather being so enjoyable right now, I look forward to all of the activities we can fit in on the weekends! 

Today I'm linking up with the ladies above to discuss this week's favorites. I have lots this week, so hold onto you hats! 

ONE

Fall nail polish! I think I have weird hands...they are pretty munchkiny...short and stubby! I think that fall nail polish looks so much better on my hands for some reason. I know, I'm weird! I am obsessed with Essie's "for the twill of it." It's perfect for this time of year! 

Cleary, I'm no hand model. 

TWO

Fall clothes! Woo hoo! I just love fall all together! I ordered a bunch of new stuff this week and last week for fall, and I cannot wait to break it out. Today, I am wearing my new jeans and I love them! 

Sheaffer posted last week about a bunch of jeans from Nordstrom that are on sale and for a fabulous price. I ordered this pair and love the way they look and fit. I don't know about you, but I am in jeans pretty much until the weather reaches 75 again, so I need to love my jeans. If I am uncomfortable in my jeans, oh man, poor Ben. I'm a little (a lot) bit moody pretty much the rest of the night. I'm excited to wear these all fall! 

THREE

This weather and being outside as much as possible! I know it's still pretty hot, especially for October, but it's perfect for opening the mornings or evenings outside. The shade is also perfect for picnic lunches! I am LOVING having fun with Henley in our backyard and taking lots and lots of walks! 

The library had a firemen story time and Henley loved it! Today, at school, she is getting to see them again! 

On Saturday, we headed out to another pumpkin patch with my parents and some of Henley's cousin's! They had a blast together! There was a corn maze, lots of pumpkins, bounce houses, face painting, a see-saw, and an awesome play area with a ginormous slide that they all loved! 

My little gymnast at a football tailgate

One afternoon, Henley and I had a picnic lunch in the backyard. We started out in the sun, but after Henley said "shooey hot," we moved over to the shade! After lunch, Henley played in her water table and slid down her slide for over an hour while I cheered her on and enjoyed reading. It was perfect! 

Wednesday evening, Ben asked us to go golfing with him, so we decided to be his golf cart buddies. Henley loves riding in the golf cart and watching Ben. Ben occasionally lets me putt, and Henley loves getting to pick up the golf balls and throw them. Y'all she is just the best! I love that she wanted to wear her sunglasses! 

And last night, we enjoyed lots more time in the backyard! I even had to bring a blanket outside. Henley tried new ways of sliding down the slide, we read some library books, she played in her water table, and we played a long game of chase and tickle! 

FOUR

OMG, I cannot get enough of this show! I hadn't watched it in a while...since a certain someone died, so I decided to catch up a couple of weeks ago. I binged hard! I am all caught up and even watched last night's episode this morning while I folded laundry. Amazing! I just can't believe how long the show has been on and how fabulous it still is! Y'all, I binged so hard that the other day when I had to suck Henley's nose out with the nose frida, I felt like I was performing major surgery! ha I felt legit! 

FIVE 

I am absolutely loving this school thing for Henley! She is loving it too, which is mostly why I am loving it. I love all of the school things she is getting to do too with some new friends. This week, she had picture day. Oh my! I just couldn't get enough of her! 

The boots are my favorite! What was not my favorite was picking her up from school that afternoon and her teacher telling me she had some green goop coming out of her eyes. I immediately thought, "ear infection." Man! She hadn't had a fever or complained at all...until we were checking out at the grocery store that afternoon and she said "hold you mama," laid her head on my shoulder and said "mama ear owie." Poor girl! Thankfully we got into the doctor that same afternoon and got her on antibiotics quickly. Hallelujah for her being able to tell me what hurts these days! 

Last but not least, let me leave you with these for your weekend...

How I feel when people ask me what I like to do/what my hobbies are!

Hilarious! 

Amen! 

And I need to read this probably every single morning! 

Have a fabulous Friday! 

Stranded: Halloween Candy

Today is Stranded...Halloween candy edition!! 

What three types of Halloween candy would you take with you on a deserted island?

Well, I must tell you a secret that my middle school students were just absolutely horrified by each and every year...I don't like candy! I know...blasphemous, but it is true! Growing up, after going trick-or-treating, my three sisters and I would sit down and see how much candy we got, and then throw it all in a ginormous bowl that sat on the kitchen counter. That bowl would pretty much sit there, full, until the next Halloween. No one in my family is really into candy. Desserts...absolutely! Give us cookies, brownies, ice cream, etc. all day long, but not candy! The only time we ever really ate candy was when we drove to the beach or the mountains. They were long road trips and at gas station stops, my dad would run in and get us each a special treat. That candy we enjoyed! 

Even though candy is not what I would choose for my indulgence, there are still a few that I like. So, if I had to dig into Henley's little trick-or-treat bag on a deserted island to nourish myself and steal some away, I would pick...

Oh my! I can only imagine how wonderful this would taste after a hot day on the island after working super hard! These bars are delicious, and if it's been a day of hard work in the sun, I have been known to snag one of these for sure. The salty peanuts and the caramel absolutely hit the spot! Throw in a Sonic vanilla coke zero and I'm pretty sure I would be in a state of bliss! 

Oh man, these are so wonderful! I wouldn't even discriminate for only the pumpkin...give me the Christmas tree, the eggs, the hearts, etc. There is just something about the holiday Reese's cups. They are so dang fluffy and are filled with peanut butter. It was always a good day when one of these would make its way into my lunchbox growing up. And if I really want to be picky, make it dark chocolate and I would be one happy girl! 

Well, I would usually choose 

as my final choice, but I put these in the refrigerator and break off pieces for dessert at night. Since I doubt there will be a refrigerator on the island, I'll have to change my last choice. 

Hmmm...I'll go with...

Do you see a theme here? I think I have a thing for peanuts and peanut butter! I love me some peanut m&ms! When Ben and I went to Europe for a month, we would buy these and carry them around with us. Since we didn't want to spend a fortune on dessert every night, we would eat some of these. It was like a challenge to see how long we could stretch out a big bag. If I want something sweet at a sporting event or somewhere with concessions, I always go for a bag of these! 

Now that Henley will be carrying around a little bucket and collecting candy, I might just have to separate some from the others. You now, for a bad day or something! 

What are your favorite types of candy?!

The Pumpkin Patch & October Wish List

Happy October friends! This is my favorite time of year! I love the build up to the fall weather and all of the holidays! It's also such a busy and fun time of year, and I love participating in all sorts of activities and creating traditions. 

Last month, I saw on Facebook that the pumpkin patch near us was having a day for moms and their kids to come and enjoy all sorts of activities. Obviously, I needed to put this on my calendar for the day and head out there with Henley who is now able to actually enjoy it. 

Last year, Henley only cared about crawling all over all the pumpkins! She was adorable, but she didn't last super long at the pumpkin patch. This year she had a blast! 

We were supposed to go with some friends, but at the last minute, they got sick and couldn't go. Bummer! We headed out anyway and I'm so glad we did. I can't wait to go back with Ben and hopefully lots and lots of Henley's cousins! 

We walked in right by all of the wooden cutouts and Henley loved them! I feel like they've had them all spread out in the past, but this year they were all in one area and it made it so easy to walk around and find the ones Henley was interested in. They literally had everything. 

I love that she actually stands there and poses for the camera now. Sometimes she immediately turns away, but I got lucky yesterday and she was a ham! She loved Doc and the hippo! Yes, I know she has a name, but right now, Henley says hippo and it is just the cutest! 

Right after this, I saw Mickey and Minnie and Henley just took off. She was on a mission to give some hugs! 

She just loves them! Mickey and Minnie both got lots and lots and hugs and probably a few kisses too. 

They also had some wooden little trains and tractor and all sorts of things for the kids to climb on in this same area. I saw a table for face painting too, but they didn't have it open at the time. I'm guessing it will be open on the weekend, and I'm hoping Henley will get her first little face painting. She might do it if her cousins do! 

To say she was having fun is an understatement! Anywhere that Henley can just run and play is her happy place! She is definitely her mama's girl and would rather be outside than just about anywhere (unless she's binge watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse!). 

There were a few other things to climb on, but there were a lot of people in this area, so we headed for the bounce houses. Ohmygoodness, Henley's giggles in the bounce houses are just my favorite thing ever! She had so much fun bouncing and she started to try one of the obstacle courses, but just couldn't figure it out. We'll try again with a cousin who will walk her through. 

After the bounce houses we walked to another little area with lots of pumpkins and playhouses. Henley played and played and played. She climbed ladders, slid down slides and played in a couple of the cute little playhouses with some other kiddos. I can definitely see a building project in Ben's future for a little playhouse! 

Once Henley seemed done with the play area, we made our way over to the hay ride. She loved it! She did keep asking for Papaw and the "tows," but I appeased her with an offer to visit them soon. They have little characters set up around the hay ride, and Henley enjoyed saying "hi" and "bye" to them as we went by. She also got to see some "neighs" on the land next to the pumpkin patch and was thrilled! 

We got off the hayride and headed for the pumpkins where my child turned into an adult. Ohmy, she just looks so big in these pictures...where did my baby go?! Henley loved the pumpkins and definitely wanted to take some home. She wasn't super into walking around to see all of them, which I was perfectly fine with since they're all the same and this mom was hungry! 

I packed us a lunch, so my little teenager and I ate at the picnic tables in the shade before making our way back around to see a few more things. 

Henley got on the "choo choo" and would have been happy to sit here for days! She kept asking mommy to sit down and let me just tell you, those benches are not made for adults! 

The tractor was too crowded before, but Henley was so excited to get on it. This is her saying "Pete," because this is where she always sees him. Any time she sees a tractor or a riding lawn mower, she thinks it's Pete on it. She even cried once when we were outside and someone was mowing our neighbor's lawn. She was devastated when they left and Pete didn't say hi to her! Too cute! 

Ps - Pete is what she calls my dad. 

At this point, we had been there for a good two hours and we were both pretty tired and sweaty, so we headed to grab some pumpkins. Henley got two baby pumpkins from one of the bins and did not want to let them out of her sight for the rest of the day! She was one happy girl! 

We had a blast together at the pumpkin patch! I would highly recommend coming to this one...it's in Flower Mound. It's always pretty crowded which is sometimes overwhelming, but I would expect most pumpkin patches to be pretty crowded right now. 

I think doing fun activities like this with Henley is just about my favorite thing. I love experiencing new things with her, and seeing her discover everything and have so much fun is the best! Being a mom is such a blessing! 

Since I'm hoping we will have a ew more fun activities this fall, I put together a list of all the things I hope to do in October. 

- We will definitely be going back to the pumpkin patch

- Ben already humored me and said we will plan a State Fair day, yay! 

- I'm thinking that since Henley won't be carving pumpkins, I might plan a night for the adults to carve pumpkins and maybe indulge in a few adult beverages and fall treats! 

- I want to paint Henley's little pumpkins with her on our front porch

- We will definitely be hitting up a trunk or treat for some fun games, treats and of course, to show off Henley in an adorable costume! 

- I always say that I want to watch Hocus Pocus, but this year, I am doing it! It may just be a date night! 

- I am all into trying new pumpkin recipes! 

- I definitely want to go to a football game! I so miss Saturdays in college and I need a good football game in the fall. Hopefully it will be a Baylor game, but I would definitely take a UNT game or a Friday night football game too. 

- I am all into the Elin Hildebrand books right now and will be reading them on my front and back porch as often as I can. 

- I want to make and decorate some Halloween/fall sugar cookies with Henley. 

- I would love to have a fire pit and make s'mores with friends! I love me a good burnt marshmallow! 

- I want to do a fall Pinterest craft with Henley. 

- Making a pie, any pie is definitely on my list! What is fall without some pies?!

And of course, I want to be outside as much as possible right now! This weather is to die for and again, I miss walking to class on Baylor's campus in the fall, so we will be outside a lot! 

What are you planning on doing this October?!